


That darn cat

by Terfle



Category: Wicked - Schwartz/Holzman
Genre: F/M, Parody, Unrequited Crush, Your boss is a dick
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-24
Updated: 2017-10-24
Packaged: 2019-01-22 09:20:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12478348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Terfle/pseuds/Terfle
Summary: Glinda is quite the business woman, with her own line of merchandise. Boq is an office junior, desperate to capture her heart. But that stupid cat of hers keeps getting in the way. Mister Tibbykins is based on DC in the film 'That Darn Cat'





	1. Chapter 1

Just another day at _Glinda’s World_ and Boq was staring out of the fifth floor window of his little office window miserably. Well...it was more like a little booth than a little office. Boq wasn’t exactly high up in the set of offices that dealt with the Emporium’s merchandise, research and marketing. His highest ideal had been until then, was to be a teller in a bank. But he wasn’t that good at arithmetic. So he had ended up working as a junior in the marketing office of this place. Until then his idea of ambition was limited to whichever desk he happened to be assigned to. But ever since seeing the founder of all this fluffy cuteness, it changed drastically to the one ambition of getting near Miss Glinda. Any day she graced them with her presence, he would crane his neck to catch a glimpse of her as she arrived in her personal pink limo. All he usually saw was a pink shoe ascending the ground as she daintily stepped out. That was about it. He saw more of that cat she so adored and took everywhere with her. Her face adorned the walls of the office so he could stare at her all day on his break.

She had visited his department once before, a major buzz for the company who saw to it that all the pot plants were kept shiny and green, all the mirrors sparkling, all desks tidy and all of the ugly staff working with their heads down as she graciously toured the place.

‘Quick! She’s coming!’ The assistant manager flapped his arms around trying to shoo people back to their desks. Boq looked from the window in surprise. What was happening? All around him people were hurrying around tidying up; throwing things in drawers, sweeping stray papers under their desks. Boq asked Crope, the guy in the next booth what was going on.

‘Miss Glinda’s coming today. Surprise visit apparently. I heard the supervisors talking about it when I came in this morning.’ Crope blinked, took off his glasses and polished them on his shirt. ‘She’ll be up here in a minute.’

Boq hastily shoved a bunch of stuff in his drawer, rubbed a piece of tissue over his computer screen and smoothed down his hair. No sooner had he done these vital tasks than the door opened and a vision appeared as if from above. Dressed top to toe in a big pink dress, golden curls cascading over her shoulders, Glinda looked the picture of perfection. In her arms sat a fat fluffy white Persian with a permanently squashed face by the name of Mister Tibbykins. Mister Tibbykins went everywhere with her. He stared across the office malevolently and flicked his tail. Mister Tibbykins didn’t like the look of the place.

‘Good morning people!’ she trilled happily.

Crope sat there with his mouth wide open. Most of the people in the office did that. Miss Glinda had that effect on people. Boq tried to look slightly more intelligent. It didn’t quite work.

The assistant manager stepped forward, all smarmy and smiling. He fancied himself to be quite the charmer. ‘Good morning Miss Glinda.’

‘I’m here to look around for a little bit, don’t mind me.’

‘Of course Miss Glinda, anything at all. Do you require some refreshment, tea, coffee, a glass of still water fresh from the Vinkus mountains?’

‘Just a glass of fresh apple juice with a hint of lime if you please’ beamed Miss Glinda. While they were supervising her tour of the office, Boq plucked up the courage to sidle closer, to bask in her light. The cat opened an evil eye and glared him away. The fluffy tail twitched back and forth. Glinda smiled charmingly and stroked the hideous beast. The fresh apple juice with a hint of lime was brought to her accordingly.

To the disappointment of the workers, she was whisked away to the more important places in the building first. Boq thought he had died and gone to heaven. She had stood so near, he was dazzled by her smile. Shame about the darn cat.


	2. Chapter 2

Glinda ended her tour feeling a bit peckish and upon mentioning it, was duly escorted to the cafeteria by that lovely assistant manager. Avaric, that was his name. Rather charming.

‘Now what shall I have? Could I possibly have a bowl for Mister Tibbykins? He does get hungry.’ Mister Tibbykins just looked a bit bored. He had no intention of eating whatever the assistant manager would be feeding him. He was used to quality Sheba cat food and wouldn’t touch much else. He looked around and settled on the door to his left. Inching forward onto the table, he had just managed to get clear when Glinda noticed her beloved kitty running away. He found himself being hauled back with remonstrative force. ‘No Mister Tibbykins’ she scolded. ‘Stay here with mummy.’ Five more bids for freedom ensued while Miss Glinda was deciding to eat today. She was puzzling over the red bean wrap when he flew out of her arms with a yowl. She screamed like a banshee.

‘Mister Tibbykins! Where are you going? COME BACK!’

Mister Tibbykins had enough. He was off to explore. Streaking through the open door to the left, he ended up in the almost empty corridor. I say almost empty because Boq was hanging around waiting to catch a glimpse of Miss Glinda. He did not see Miss Glinda, he saw that fat cat running around. Hearing her shrieks, he saw his chance to garner favour and catch that darn cat.

‘Come on kitty, come to me’ he coaxed. Mister Tibbykins was unconvinced, having jumped to the top of the filing cabinet, eyeballing the little man warily. He wasn’t about to get caught for the second time that day. And not by such a drip.

Boq crept closer, locking eyes with the nasty little feline. The cat just sat there. He started shaking the cabinet, trying get push it off. With a screech, the fat ball of fluff jumped off and landed down the hall, scampering off, Boq chasing as fast as he could; down some stairs, around the bins, back and forth across the courtyard. The cat could run. Boq wasn’t quite so fit.

Finally he had Mister Tibbykins cornered in a remote corner of the foyer. Seeing no other option, the moggy leapt up to Boq’s miniscule head. ‘AAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!’

Boq’s spindly little arms flailed ridiculously as he flew backwards, a pile of fur attached to his severely small cranium. They struggled for a minute, the tiny man and the even tinier beast. The beast nearly won out. Boq held the creature at arm’s length, claws scratching and voice yowling for clemency. ‘Aha! Got you now you vile furry little thing’ Boq panted out triumphantly. The next moment the furry little thing shot a paw out and knocked him on the head. Over they went, rolling on the floor, man and beast embroiled in a fearful struggle.

‘MIAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!’ howled Mister Tibbykins.

Darn that flipping cat! Boq tried to keep control of the situation. But he had lost that ages ago. A group of people walked past, intent on getting to their lunch break. Boq saw his chance and stuffed the cat under his jumper. Problem was, he was still on the floor. This looked decidedly dodgy. A few raised eyebrows pointed in his direction and a less than concerned ‘are you alright?’ prompted in his direction. Boq lifted a free hand on their direction. The kitty was getting restless, shifting under his jumper. He tried to stand up, ended up grovelling on the floor again. A pair of feet clacked their way over to him. The owner looked down on him in concern. ‘What on earth are you doing down there?’ Pfanee frowned at this odd little man lying on the floor. ‘The floor is nice and cool’ he mumbled slightly incoherently. Shaking her carefully coiffed head, Pfanee clacked away. Nutter.

Again he tried to get up, but the cat was dragging him down. He yelped at the kitty claws scrabbling at his chest. Mister Tibbykins was getting catty.


	3. Chapter 3

‘What is going on here?’ Boq looked up and saw Avaric’s smarmy face peering at him from above. He would own those poncy pair of shoes, wouldn’t he? ‘Erm...cleaning the floor.’ He took out a tissue and scrubbed ineffectually at it without moving an inch.

‘Look, we have cleaners for that you know. Get up from there’ he fussed. ‘Before Miss Glinda sees you. We don’t want her to think you’re a little bit strange.’ A bit late for that he thought. Boq squinted up at the assistant manager blearily, his right eye was stuck to the floor. ‘In a minute. just got to finish...this spot.’

Avaric sighed. ‘Very well then. But hurry up and get up off the floor. We have standards to maintain.’ With that he ponced off, leaving Boq to unpeel his face from the floor. He staggered upright, keeping Mister Tibbykins in his jumper. He had to get to Miss Glinda and give her blasted cat back.

Hurrying across the floor, looking like he had gained several pounds, he reached the window and unloaded the nasty little furball onto the ledge. Mister Tibbykins took the opportunity to jump through the window, three stories up. Dammit!

Boq ran to the window and watched helplessly as the white ball of fur hurtled out of sight screeching the whole way. Now he’d be fired for cat slaughter. And it wasn’t even his fault. Damn cat. Despondent, he slumped against the wall in despair.

‘What are you doing now?’ Tibbet stood in front of him. Boq never liked Tibbet, the tosser. ‘I’ve been told you’ve been cleaning the floors or some such rubbish. Wiping the wall this time?’

What the hell, he had nothing to lose anymore.

‘I lost Miss Glinda’s cat.’

Tibbet snorted with laughter. ‘That fat moggy? Where is it?’

‘Fell down the building.’

Tibbet laughed the hardest he ever had in his arrogant life. ‘I’d advise you to get down there and scrape him off the cobbles before she sees the kitty pate.’

Boq ran.

Down the endless flights of stairs he ran, bumping into all and sundry as he tried to stop Mister Tibbykins from ending up as a starter portion.

Down at the bins he searched around for traces of the cat but found nothing. What was he to do? A desolate wail from above alerted him to the plight poor Mister Tibbykins was in. Trapped in a bundle of ribbon used to tie the welcome balloons to the building. He yowled piteously and tried to scratch free. Boq gritted his teeth and started the long way back up the stairs. He had to get him back in one piece if he wasn’t going to get fired.

He edged out onto the ledge, Mister Tibbykins yowling for all his worth. He wasn’t going to make it easy for Boq. ‘Come on kitty’ he muttered, hazarding a glance down. The ground looked bleak and scary and Boq wondered for a second whether anyone would miss him if he fell. Mister Tibbykins on the other hand, would be given a state funeral. Lucky bastard.

Edging perilously out, he grabbed at few ribbons and hauled them back in, bringing back the cat. The cat was darn heavy. Boq resented rescuing Mister Tibbykins and Mister Tibbykins sure as hell didn’t want to be rescued. He wanted to be curled up in the warmth with his supreme meaty chunks for dinner. Not up here with this silly little man trying to catch him. Screams and scratches ensued.  Mister Tibbykins claws were perfectly manicured. And sharp. Shredding ribbons to bits on his way back to the window, Mister Tibbykins’ screeches brought out people on their lunch break. Boq could see them assembling below, pointing and laughing.

‘Stupid cat!’

Boq finally got the cat in a headlock and staggered from the window. With a sigh of relief, he turned around.

And saw Avaric, arms crossed, poncy booted toe tapping.

One thought crossed Boq’s mind.

He was going to get fired.


	4. Chapter 4

‘You want to tell me what you are doing with Miss Glinda’s cat?’

Tap. Tap. Tap.           

Boq daren’t try to explain. He mumbled something that sounded like ‘ _mimble wimble.’_

‘I’m sorry? I didn’t catch that.’

Tap. Tap. Tap.

Boq ventured to explain.

‘The cat, he escaped, the filing cabinet, just jumped on me and I was just...’ He trailed away under Avaric’s withering glance.

Avaric coughed and looked up to the ceiling. ‘May I remind you that you are a junior here and therefore do not have the right to do things like running around after the cat. That is for more skilled people to do. I do not employ you to chase after cats; I employ you to DO SOME BLOODY PAPERWORK!’

The cat gave a piteous wail, bringing Miss Glinda down the stairs, sensitive to her baby’s howl of distress.

‘Mister Tibbykins!’ She exclaimed. ‘You found him!’ Swooping down on Boq and his miserable bundle, she clasped the kitty to her opulent bosom. Boq, glad to be rid of his troublesome burden, breathed a sigh of relief.

‘You found my darling! She trilled, oblivious to the discomfort of Avaric who had the grace to look embarrassed at being caught scolding the idiot who had found Miss Glinda’s freaking cat.

‘Yes well, run along Boq, we’ll talk about this later.’ The forced grimace on Avaric’s face told Boq that a very stern talking to was coming up, minus the presence of their esteemed patron and her bloody stupid cat.

Miss Glinda, her eyes shining with joy, turned to Boq as he made his hasty exit. ‘Thank you so much for returning Mister Tibbykins to me.’ To Boq’s delight, she leaned over and gave him a kiss on the cheek. And returned back to fussing over the disgruntled moggy.

Stars flew behind his eyes and he felt a little weak around the knees. Miss Glinda had given him a kiss!

‘Boq. Back to the office.’

Boq wobbled off, a silly smile plastered all over his face. A house could fall on him and he wouldn’t have noticed. He had gotten a kiss from Miss Glinda. He could hug that cat if he could get near, he was too busy being stroked and cooed over. Not that he deserved it, the nasty little brute. No matter, he had brought Boq to Miss Glinda in the most extraordinary manner. He vowed not to wash his face for a long time.


	5. Chapter 5

Avaric sat in his office, glass of beer in hand, musing about the day’s events. That little idiot Boq had singlehandedly ruined and saved the office in one fell swoop. What a drip. He had predicted that Boq would be an unremarkable addition to the office of _Glinda’s World_. He would have been fired if it wasn’t for the grace of Miss Glinda who insisted Boq get a reward for rescuing her precious kitty. Which was sitting in the office corner designated for him, a little cactus on the window ledge. How lovely. Now it looked like Boq had to be kept on here. What a pity.

He took a long drink from his glass and spat it out second later. What the hell was this brand? Some no name Vinkus brand? Tasted like...

‘Tastes like cat piss’ he exclaimed out loud, to his empty office. The massive pot plant by his door quivered, as though to laugh at this observation. A nearby listener was influencing the mood of the plant it seemed, for Boq sniggered his way down the corridor, having taken previous precautions to spike Avaric’s beer with the most noxious substance known to the office.

That darn cat was good for something it seemed. 


End file.
